Stuckess During Prolonged Grief

Deconstructing Negative Thought Patterns

     Rethinking your inner dialogue through the ABCDE model if cognitive therapy is a cornerstone of building resilience and emotional health. Developed by Dr. Martin Seligman, this framework offers a practical way to deconstruct negative thought patterns and develop learned optimism. By understanding these five steps, you can stop being a victim of your automatic thoughts and start becoming your own most effective advocate.

     The process begins with Adversity, which is the objective event that triggered your distress. When identifying this stage, the goal is to stick strictly to the facts without adding emotional layers. 

     Following the event, you will notice your Beliefs. These are the automatic reactions that pop into your head immediately. They are often irrational or self-critical, such as thinking you always mess things up. 

     These beliefs lead to Consequences, which are the emotional and behavioral results of what you told yourself. It is important to realize that your belief, not the event itself, usually causes the painful emotion.

     The most critical stage is Disputation. To dispute means to argue with yourself like a skilled defense attorney. You look for evidence to see if your beliefs are actually true or if there are alternative explanations. 

     Finally, you notice the Energization. This is the shift in your mood and energy level once you have successfully challenged your negative thoughts. You move from a state of helplessness to a state of agency, learning that while you cannot always control what happens, you have immense power over the beliefs you choose to hold.

ABCDE for PGD

     When grief becomes stuck, it is often because our internal narrative has shifted from mourning a loss to adopting a set of rigid, painful beliefs about the future. In Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), the mind often traps us in permanence, which is the belief that the agonizing pain of the first day will remain at that exact intensity forever. By applying this model, we do not minimize the loss but instead we begin to gently dispute the idea that your life ended when theirs did. We look for evidence that while the love is permanent, the paralyzing stuckness is a state we can gradually influence.

     A common hurdle in this struggle is the guilt loop, where we personalize the tragedy by believing we could have changed the outcome or that we are being punished. This leads to the consequence of self-isolation and chronic shame. Using the disputation phase, we act as a compassionate advocate for your soul. We examine the objective facts of the adversity to challenge irrational self-blame. By untangling what you wish you had done from what you actually could have done, we create the mental space necessary for healing to begin.

     Many survivors fear the energization stage because it feels like a betrayal. If you feel a moment of peace or a spark of interest in a life activity, a pessimistic belief might suggest that if you are not suffering, you did not love them enough. Through counseling, we use this framework to dispute the betrayal myth. We work to realize that experiencing energization is not about forgetting the person you lost.  It’s about honoring their memory by reclaiming your capacity to breathe, connect, and move forward. Healing is not an exit from your grief.  It’s an unsticking of your future.

Gera McGuire, MA, NCC, LMHC, is a specialized mental health counselor serving the Maple Valley and Enumclaw Plateau communities, as well as clients throughout Washington and Montana via telehealth. With advanced clinical training from the Center for Prolonged Grief at Columbia University, she provides evidence-based support for those navigating anxiety, depression, relationship challenges, life transitions, and the complexities of 'stuck' grief after a loss.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for therapy.  It is not a guide to diagnose or treat any mental health conditions.  

If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, PGD, PTSD or any other concerning mental health symptoms, please contact Gera to set up an appointment.