Why So Melancholy?

            Partially cloudy.  Choppy waters.  A moderate breeze that makes you clutch your hood.  A campfire that’s still smoldering.  Think of melancholy as an emotion that rumbles under the surface, asking you to look inside.  Really look.

But why?

            As a therapist, I see emotions as essential because they help us manage through our lives.  If feelings weren’t necessary, we would have evolved out of them, shed them like extra fur and tails.  Well, some of us have dropped the fur…  But here we are, humans in the 21st century, still emoting.  My perspective is that we shouldn’t fight them, per se, but rather learn from them - observe our emotions and discover what it is they’re asking of us.

            So… why so melancholy?

            Melancholy asks us to be introspective.  Instead of avoiding, it asks us to really feel things on a deeper level and seek out answers to the difficult questions in life.  Pain is a part of our existence and, of course, no one wants to experience it.  Melancholy puts us in a state of grace that allows us to take time to look inside and sit with some of the more uncomfortable emotions and difficult questions.  Melancholy hovers over loss, the nature of existence, and the stark truths about life.  What is true?  What is real?  What is truly, really important in this life?

Melancholy’s introspection leads us to self-knowledge by stripping away some of the false pretenses, superficiality, and erroneous assumptions about life.  If worked through, we can come out of the melancholic process as more authentic people and become closer to equanimous.  Think of it like a directed retreat.

            Melancholia also promotes change.  When we feel a tinge sad, wetypically work harder to change our situation.  “Dig in the dirt and see what you find,” it beckons.   It’s there in the mess of dirt that we can discover the healthy changes needed in our perceptions and behaviors that need which can redirect the course of our lives towards a healthier and happier direction.  We come out a better version of ourselves.

When followed through its course, melancholy can:

• direct us to an acceptance that pain and disappointment are inevitable
• show us a fuller realization that life is very complex, not so black-and-white
• lead us to develop a deeper sense of compassion and forgiveness
• increase our use of headache medication, Kleenex and water

Melancholy requires some nurturing as it can lure us down some long and windy rabbit holes.  It’s important to get outside in nature, exercise, eat healthy foods, and drink enough water.  Sleep 8 replenishing hours each night.  Stay connected to people - don’t go Thoreau!  Journal.  Avoid alcohol, smoking and marijuana. Engage in expressive, creative arts.  Do something novel. 

Melancholy can become long-standing, so you need to learn how to partner with it in order to make it useful and not get swallowed up by it.  There’s joy in life, too, and you need to keep tethered to it.  Find a good therapist to help you negotiate the helpful but uncomfortable journey that melancholy is asking you to take.

Melancholy is not the same as depression, but it can be a gateway emotion to it. If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms, it’s best to get into therapy as things are potentially at a clinical level and need intervention.

• Deep feelings of hopelessness and despair, not due to grief
• Inability to enjoy activities that were once pleasurable
• Good news doesn’t bring you happiness
• Difficulty concentrating, making decisions and recalling memories
• Excessive feelings of guilt or worthlessness
• Insomnia or oversleeping
• Atypical eating – too much or not enough
• Persistent fatigue, headaches, stomach discomfort
• Trouble getting up in the morning or finishing daily tasks
• Withdrawing from social connections