Emotional Hijacking

     Gale-force winds whipped the 120-foot-tall trees next to the house, strumming the nearby power lines until they hummed. Ice coated every surface in our small community, resulting in snapped lines and parked school buses forbidden from negotiating the treacherous, hilly roads. It was February in the Pacific Northwest.

     My daughters and I hunkered down in the living room in front of the gas fireplace which, thankfully, kept our house warm. Without power, the house was unusually dark; there was no light from within or without to offer a sense of connection against the ominous weather. Outfitted with a plethora of picture books, camping flashlights, and snuggly sleeping bags, we were all cozied into a dog pile, almost ready to drift off to sleep.

     Unexpectedly, a massive tree fell in the forest adjacent to our home. It shook the entire house with such force that I could have sworn a truck had rammed into our front door. We all screamed, bracing for an impact that had actually happened about 40 yards away. This unanticipated tremor triggered an immediate fight-or-flight response. My daughters jumped and clung to me. My body shook and my heart rate stayed elevated for what felt like forever. My Mama Bear survival instinct was fully activated, hyper-vigilant, waiting for the next threat. We all found it difficult to succumb to sleep that night, keeping one eye open toward the window and the swaying trees. It was a very long, windy night.

Not Uncommon

     Many people who come into my office talk about times when they couldn’t think their way through a situation and instead operated out of sheer emotion. Survival instincts have a way of doing that to us. When a person has experienced past trauma, their mind is often calibrated to a more sensitive setting. They stay on extra alert and are a bit slower to return to a baseline of safety. This state of hyper-arousal is often called emotional hijacking.

The Brain’s Alarm System: The Amygdala and Hippocampus

     For various reasons, we can become so emotionally overwhelmed that the brain loses its sense of time and place. It takes only 12 milliseconds for your brain to decide if a sound indicates a threat. If your amygdala (your brain's alarm center) determines there is danger, your body is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol before your prefrontal cortex (your rational brain) has even finished its analysis.

     While the amygdala sounds the alarm, it works in tandem with the hippocampus, which acts as your brain’s librarian. The hippocampus is responsible for storing memories in their proper context of time and place. However, during a traumatic event, the high levels of stress hormones can interfere with the hippocampus's ability to timestamp the memory correctly. As a result, the amygdala stores the raw, emotional pattern of the threat without a clear beginning or end. When a new situation resembles an old pattern, the amygdala reacts as if the trauma is recurring right now, because the hippocampus hasn't successfully filed that memory away as in the past. This hardwiring allows us to perceive danger instantly, but it means a disapproving glance can trigger the same survival reflex as a snarling dog or a fallen tree.

Real-World Examples of Hijacking

     Threat is subjective and based entirely on our unique personal experiences. For example, if a person was once bitten by a dog, they may have an instinctual fear reaction when they see a puppy in the park, while another person may move closer to interact. Similarly, road rage is an unfortunately common example; if a person perceives injustice as a threat, their impulse control may be disabled, leading them to scream or drive aggressively rather than viewing the event as a mild annoyance.

     Grief also plays a role in these responses. A survivor might see someone from behind who looks like a deceased loved one, causing the amygdala to react to the visual pattern and flooding the survivor with an uncontrollable grief burst of raw sorrow. In the home, a parent might return from a long day to a messy house and yell with disproportionate intensity when a child spills a drink, because their brain views the mess as a final threat to their depleted resources. Even social media can trigger this.  Seeing a peer’s success can feel like a status threat to the amygdala, causing a sudden crush of worthlessness that drives someone to impulsively delete their own content. We cannot always control when the tripwire is activated, but we can learn to bring ourselves back into emotional regulation. Never be ashamed of your feelings. They are there for a reason, usually shouting out in a well-intended effort to keep you safe.

How to Manage a Hijack

     The first step in managing a hijack is to breathe. It takes about six seconds for the surge of chemicals to dissipate enough to re-engage the rational part of your brain, so use this time for deep, diaphragmatic breathing. 

     You can also utilize the clinical technique of "naming it to tame it" by labeling the emotion. “I am feeling panicked because that loud noise reminded me of the accident.” Putting words to the feeling helps the rational brain take the wheel back from the emotional center. You can then ground yourself with logic, reminding your system that while the mind wants to protect you, you are currently safe and the house is intact.

     Recovery from a hijack often involves physical movement and self-compassion. Since the "fight" never actually happened, your nervous system needs to know that you used that pent-up energy, so try shaking out your arms and legs or going for a brief walk to discharge the stress. It’s ok that you reacted so give yourself some time to literally shake it off.

     Finally, make sure to hydrate. Drinking water helps your body process and flush out the stress hormones like cortisol that were dumped into your system during the perceived attack. Remember: Your body is brilliant and doing exactly what it evolved to do. The goal isn’t to never be hijacked again, but to shorten the recovery time between the trigger and your return to calm.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy. If you are experiencing anxiety, panic, or frequent emotional hijacking, please contact a qualified mental health professional.